he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
