My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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