would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
