The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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