After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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