I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
