your parents love me but you hate me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
