We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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