I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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