he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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