My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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