Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
