seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
