Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
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