Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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