Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
