so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think my moral compass just broke
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
