is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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