I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
