garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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