I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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