youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
