Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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