I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
