Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
