I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
