You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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