Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
