remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
