Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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