You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
