I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
