yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
