First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
