There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
