Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
