Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
