Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
