one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
