so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
