The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
