I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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