He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
