I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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