I hope mine doesn't look like that
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
