not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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