i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
