"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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