We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
