allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
