i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
