I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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