I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
