dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
