Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
