Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
